Peeved

A much more polite e-mail has been sent to Microsoft to resolve a problem that I have been having with them for the past few days. This is the e-mail that I wished I had sent:

Hello Edlyn, Shiela, Patrick, Dennis, Ryan Rick and whatever other stupid names the automatic Microsoft Technical Support name generation software comes up with for all my e-mails. I shall start to refer to you from now on as Zarg.

Thank you for writing back to me. I am a disgruntled customer who is very confused by the e-mails that I am receiving from Microcrap. Please read my e-mail and don't ignore this as you have done the previous ones.

- Are you all robots with dodgy versions of Windows 3 installed?
- Why haven't you upgraded to Windows 2005?
- Can you understand any of what I am saying?
- Has your support been outsourced to Uzbekistan or some other country where they don't understand English?

Zarg, my issues are:

1) My Hotmail Plus account that has been active for over two years and that was renewed on September the 9th (with the money already out of my account) and has been working fine post-renewal until December the 5th is still not working. You already know this because I have been stating this simple fact in every bloody e-mail that I have sent to the black hole that is your support department.

2) My support call has been passed from department to department, backwards and forwards for the past week. Contact MSN support, Hotmail support, Hotcrap Plus support, Pissport support and back again. You're all the same bloody person/robot/computer, so why hasn't it been dealt with yet?

3) Suggesting that I call a US number to resolve this when I live in the UK is no freaking good to me. Microsoft is an international company. Or is geek-speak in Microsoft US not backwardly compatible with the UK version? Bloody hell(!), could you f'ing forward a UK number to me. Or are telephones too retro for you too?

4) Your customer service so far has been sooooo bad. As I have said, each time that I write an e-mail, the robotic reply is to ring a number in the US or else contact the department that asked me to contact you. So, can you please let me know to whom I should complain (preferably not a telephone number in the USA.)

c-o-m-p-l-a-i-n Please take the time to look that up in your English translation dictionary. You might learn something.

5) Zarg, I am getting a strong suspicion that I am not being taken seriously. Forgive me if I am wrong but the level of customer support that I am receiving is not adequate for such a simple query.

I am keeping copies of all the e-mails going backwards and forwards. I hope that this state of affairs will not persist much longer. Or are you having a Christmas (ooops, sorry, non-religious denomination holidays) laugh at my expense??!!

Thank you for taking the time to process this e-mail Zarg. I know that you'll only ignore it but hey, you can't blame a weak human for trying(!)

Yours Pissed Off,

Alex (Soon to be an ex-customer at this rate)